What’s interesting about it is that we all operate with a set of boundaries, ranging from porous to solid, regardless if we are conscious of them or not. The big question is whether they are healthy?

Since there are boundaries for many areas of our lives, a practical way to identify if the ones we have are healthy is to consider the following aspects:

They provide a safe and respectful environment for ourselves and those around us

Allow us to create authentic relationships where we have the right to our emotions, thoughts, and beliefs

The process of evaluating your set of boundaries or redefining the ones you have may feel overwhelming. Here are 3 ways that can help you get started:

1.-Identify how your body feels

Our bodies are a source of intelligence once we learn to pay attention to it. One of the first signs that tell us that a situation, a relationship, or a decision needs to be revisited is the discomfort in our bodies. Before you make your next decision, listen to your body and identify the sensations you are feeling. Pay special attention to anything that makes you feel anxious, tight, or with shallow breath. These are indications that you need to get more information before proceeding. You may be tempted to rush through and avoid the signs; however, the dismissal of our internal guidance backfires more often than not. I suggest giving it a try and experience it for yourself.

2.- Be honest and recognize if you are afraid of the consequence

An example of unhealthy boundaries can be seen with individuals who always say “yes” to projects at work or at home, even though they are completely overloaded with what they already have. It defies the logic for those who see it but not for the ones experiencing it.

Whenever the association of negative consequences is far greater than the discomfort you are experiencing, you are blocking the ability to find realistic solutions that work for everyone involved.

Unless you are in a dangerous situation (which requires immediate attention), the negative consequences are often being played in our heads due to the story we tell ourselves. This mindset keeps us in a fight or flight mode and creates a vicious cycle.

Not sure if you are acting out of fear? These questions may be helpful:

• Why are you agreeing to do a specific activity?
• Are you afraid of a conflict or being disliked?
• How can you address the situation so that it works for you and everyone involved?

3.-Evaluate the quality of your relationships

The do’s and don’ts of boundaries have been heavily influenced by the way we were brought up, along with our cultural backgrounds. It doesn’t mean you need to stay with them if they don’t work for you. Take a few minutes to answer these questions to get an idea of where you are today:

• Does someone close to you feel like they drain your energy?
• Do your relationships with friends and family feel comfortable or invasive?
• Do you look forward to conversations and gatherings, or do you prefer to avoid them?

As you begin to assess your relationships, keep in mind that you are not attempting to control others’ behaviors by setting boundaries. Instead, relate in a way where all parties involved feel that the interaction is fulfilling, trustworthy and nourishing. This will allow you to work through the differences that will arise with respect and honesty.

If you find yourself resisting working on your boundaries even though you realize it will benefit you, consider that defining healthy boundaries for yourself is one of the most important things you can do as an act of self-love. The effort will be worthwhile.